Tackling Loneliness at University
“University is going to be the best and most exciting time of your life!”
It’s the start of a new phase of life. You’re excited to experience everything that your seniors or parents promised about university life: new friends, bigger social circles, fun events, parties and more. Taking it all in, you take your first big step into your very first tutorial class.
But to your dismay, reality doesn’t quite match up. Sitting in awkwardly-spaced gaps between each other, it seems like everyone is more interested in their phones than in making friends. Getting to know your tutorial mates never goes beyond an uneasy round of your name + one fun fact. You go through the entire tutorial without uttering a word, then silently leave for your lunch break…alone.
If this scenario seems familiar to you, don’t worry! It’s not just you. University can be a pretty lonely time. Tiktok users call these common experiences “mouse moments”, which are sad and introspective moments where you find yourself eating alone, and realise that you’ve yet to make friends in university. Others have taken to Reddit to share bleak reflections about loneliness and their personal struggles in finding their own circle of close friends.
Why is it so hard to make friends at university?
One possible reason could be the individualistic nature of university itself. Unlike secondary schools or junior colleges, you no longer have a fixed group of classmates whom you share common classes and breaks with. Instead, you meet different people in each class and find yourself in larger but more superficial circles of acquaintances. It’s not difficult to see why some students become jaded from the process of constantly having to forge new friendships, only for them to die off after the semester ends.
Others attribute loneliness to the lack of opportunities to socialise. Granted, campus residency and CCAs are great ways to meet new people, but not everyone has access to them. While campus residency is limited and competitive, CCAs are a hit-or-miss, with some CCAs communities feeling fragmented and distant.
It’s okay to be alone
As current and ex-university students who have gone through this, we would like to assure you that it is completely okay to feel lonely. If you find yourself having to walk to class alone or eat a meal by yourself, you’re not doing anything wrong. Rather, these are common experiences, and everyone around you is going through the same thing. Dealing with this stark transition in friendship dynamics, struggling to find your place, and learning to find comfort in being alone might even be a quintessential part of the university experience.
If you do want to do something to expand your uni circles, though, read on for 4 simple steps that can help you feel a little less lonely at uni!
1) Take the first step: Initiate conversations!
From lectures and tutorials, to clubs, and interest groups, you’ll meet many different people in University. Most conform to the typical image of a University student I described earlier: keeping their head down and not seeming to want to make friends. Instead of conforming as well, be the one to muster up the courage to initiate the first conversation. Take the first step, and you might find a new friend!
2) Invite people to hang out
You’ll find yourself with pockets of free time in between your classes or during meal times. These are perfect opportunities to gather your coursemates and spend some time with them. Whether it’s catching up over a meal before class, chilling, or studying together, you can always invite your fellow students to hang out. Seizing these small opportunities to hang out could lead to lifelong friendships!
3) Join a club
Whether you’re into sports, music, culture or volunteering, there’s definitely a student community for you in University. University clubs are a great way to meet like-minded people, make lasting connections, and build meaningful relationships with people who share your interests and passions. If you’re unsure of what club to join, don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and take advantage of the safe and supportive environment that University provides to try something new!
4) Shape the experience you want
If you envision your university experience to be a fun and social one, don’t be afraid to take action. Be bold in shaping the experience that you want -- by initiating conversations with the new people you meet, asking your fellow tutorial classmates out for lunch, or joining a club that aligns with your interests. Chances are, others are feeling the same way and would love to make friends too.
Of course, one more thing you can do is to join a Friendzone event! We’re constantly creating spaces for young adults just like you to meet new people and form new friendships. We’re also about to launch a new series just for uni students to meet others in the same school — keep an eye on our socials for updates!
University can be the best and most exciting time of your life, but it takes bravery to make it happen. Don’t quietly resign yourself to an experience that doesn't align with your vision. With time and effort, proactiveness and patience, you’ll find your people and shape your own university experience the way you want it. We believe in you!